Forgiving When Hurt
Yes, a friend or relative may betray you. Jesus Himself suffered betrayal from one in His close circle. One betrayed Him, one denied Him, one doubted Him.
Have you ever had someone close to you tell you off because you did not meet their high expectations? Most of us have.
Once when I was suffering from a heart-breaking betrayal, I went crying to my pastor. With sympathy, he comforted me, but then he quoted Psalm 41:9: “Even my close friend whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me.” He advised me to pray until I came to a place where I made a decision—a choice– to forgive the person for the offense.
When we fail to fulfill whatever someone thought we should do, maybe he or she judged us–spewing hurtful, damaging words, either spoken or written. Words that stuck in our mind, hurt our heart! Caused grief, even guilt.
They probably had a certain image in their mind of how an in-law, parent, grandparent, friend, neighbor, or boss should act in certain situations. Or how available or unavailable they want you to be. Sometimes we simply cannot meet other people’s grand expectations. Yet, beware if you don’t measure up to their personal hopes and plans.
What should we do? For starters we can invite the Holy Spirit’s help and guidance. He may direct us to explain our views, as long as it doesn’t lead to further discord. Keeping silent may be the best strategy. Seek Him.
Christ’s ultimate answer: bestow forgiveness. Easy to do? No, often very hard.
Jesus said: “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” (Mark 11:25 NIV).
Forgive has several shades of meaning:
- to absolve from payment of (to cancel a debt)
- to excuse from a fault or an offense
- to renounce anger or resentment against
- to give up the wish to punish or to get even
- to bestow a favor unconditionally
- to release, set at liberty, unchain
Paul wrote in Ephesians: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:29-32 NIV).
We extend forgiveness because Jesus forgave us and asks us to forgive. But we also want to be free of a bondage caused by unforgiveness and bitterness. After we forgive someone who deeply hurt us, we need wisdom to know how to handle our relationship with them in the future.
Here is an applicable prayer from our book Warfare Prayers for Women:
Prayer: Father, I know unforgiveness is a hindrance to answered prayer. And I realize I must forgive those who have wounded and betrayed me. Your Word tells me to bless and pray for those who mistreat me [see Luke 6:28]. But my pain is so deep; please, God, give me Your strength to obey You. I refuse to listen when the enemy bombards my mind with memories of the hurts and betrayal I’ve experienced. So, Lord, as an act of my will—not my emotions—I choose to forgive (name of person). I also resist the desire to get even, leaving the judgment of this person’s actions in Your hands. Jesus, thank You that through Your death and resurrection my sins are forgiven. Thank You for healing these wounds and setting me free by the power of Your blood. I receive Your loving pardon and peace only You can give, wonderful Savior! Amen. (1)
Scripture: Put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, bearing with one another, forgiving one another, just as the Lord has forgiven you. Put on love which is the perfect bond of unity. (Colossians.3:12).
Footnote:
1. Warfare Prayers For Women, by Quin Sherrer and Ruthanne Garlock, (Chosen Books, 2020) page 38. Available on Amazon.
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