More Keeper Friendships
More Keeper Friendships
Let’s continue exploring “Keeper Friendships” and what we can helpfully contribute to each other. Sometimes we shadow our friend. Other times she or he may shadow us–depending on how and when we share our giftings, talents, skills, and overall friendship as we walk together.
We try to choose our inner circle carefully. Most of us want positive-talking-thinking friends—not negative, cynical, naysayers. However, a word of caution: a close friend may someday let you down, despite good intensions. Forgiveness goes a long way toward restoration.
Charles Swindoll said it well: “Within the immediate circle of your friends, look beyond the wrongs. Every friend I have has disappointed me in one way or another. And I have done the same to him or her. But because there has been a willingness to overlook that, we still have a friendship. Love helps us stay at the task.” 1
Some friends may be just for a season, but their impact on our lives is lasting. Yes, it will cost you to be a true friend. You may help each other walk through spiritual battles, through “drama and trauma” but you will also have victory days to celebrate.
Here is a Biblical admonition for those wanting to be Keeper Friends: “Put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, bearing with one another, forgiving one another, just as the Lord has forgiven you. Put on love which is the perfect bond of unity.” (Colossians.3:12)
I believe it is healthier to have a bouquet of good friends, to help keep us from getting co-dependent on one or two. After all, each friend imparts something unique into our relationship.
I have heard it said that a woman needs several kinds of friends but not necessarily all of these:
1.The praying friend—you pray for each other regularly.
2.The trusted confidante—you can trust telling her anything; she keeps confidences.
3.The older friend—a mentor to you; has children older than you; gives wise advice.
4.The younger friend—one you can encourage; help her dream and fulfill her God-given purpose.
5.The mom friend– has children near same age as yours; can understand your nitty gritty situations; rescues you in tight situations; does tasks with you.
6.The career friend –when you work outside the home, having an “office pal” helps you to brainstorm or discuss ideas and problems.
7.The intellectually stimulating friend— maybe even a bookworm, who shares from her knowledge, experience and/or travel.
8.The fun friend— your goofy, laid back friend with whom you can laugh and enjoy life a little more fully.
How about men and friendships? Men are said to generally have less close ties with friends than women. One survey shows men tend to have: “convenience friends, who exchange helpful favors but don’t interact much otherwise; mentor friends who connect through one man’s tutelage of the other; and activity friends.” The latter could involve sports or other shared activity interests. One author writes, “The theory holds that men tend to drift apart whenever the shared convenience, mentorship, or activity ends.”2
However, in Christian circles, many men take advantage of opportunities to be in accountability groups or Bible studies where true friendships blossom. For example, since the early 1990s thousands of men have been involved in Promise Keepers gatherings which emphasized discipleship and evangelism and closer friendships resulted. Jesus, of course, set an example with twelve male friends whom He discipled.
Think On These Things
What do you want in a keeper friend? Women and men whom I interviewed told me what they desired in a friend and what they would do as a friend in return. It amounted to reciprocal friendships. Some said an ideal friend would be one:
- Who prays in agreement with me and asks the Holy Spirit for additional prayer strategies.
- Who guards and keeps my confidences.
- Who believes in me even when I make mistakes.
- Who gives me godly advice.
- Who helps me make wise decisions.
- Who lovingly corrects me.
- Who keeps in regular communication –via personal contact, phone, e-mail or text.
- Who celebrates with me when I have a reason.
- Who helps me have fun on ordinary days.
- Who appreciates the person I am without trying to change or manipulate me.
- Who covers an offense with love and forgiveness.
Prayer: Father, thank you for the friends You have given me. Help me to be more sensitive to show them care and concern. Forgive me for times I have not been such a great friend. Or when I was short with them. Or judged them wrongly. I honestly want to honor them and be there when needed. Give me compassionate and creative ways to stay connected that will benefit us both. I ask in the name of Jesus. Amen.
Scripture: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Eccl.4:9-12 NIV)
Excerpted from Cast Your Shadow: Influence On Purpose by Quin Sherrer
1. Charles R. Swindoll, Simple Faith, (Dallas, Word Publishing 1991), 111.
2. Article by Daniel Duane quoting “The Male Deficit Model” from : www:huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/15/ men and friendship_n_5575178.html. Accessed July 23, 2016.
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